An Expulsive Power of a New Affection

I am struck by the words expulsive, impulsive, compulsive and propulsive. All have to do with a driving force.

I have impulsive and compulsive habits. Some of these habits are related to food.

The love of God can both expel the love of the world from me and impel me to move toward His love. He can compel me to seek Him. His power can propel me to holiness.

In me are many driving forces in me to do actions: to satisfy my desires, to covet things of the world, to want to change, to seek God. What is driving me? Is my driving force God's love or the love of the world and it's pleasures?

I'm reading the sermon by Thomas Chalmers, "The Expulsive Power of a New Affection." It is new words for a truth I know, but have not applied recently. It is not enough to get my bad eating habits out of me. (And I can't even do this by reason or personal strength.) I need an expulsive power from outside of me to force those food affections out of me AND to impel me to move to God so that He can compel me to seek Him. I need to be propelled forward to new habits and behaviors that are God-pleasing.

I know these things. But I don't KNOW them. I need that expulsive power of a new affection to both remove the affections I have for food AND to supplant these desires with new ones: specifically, a greater love of God. He needs to mean more to me than worldly desires.

All these words come from the Latin, pellere, which means drive. I need to understand what drives me, motivates me, compels me to action. And I need to give these drives to God and ask Him to supplant them with the drives that will cause me to seek Him, to love Him, and to desire Him, above all else.

So Yahweh, this is what I ask for a Christmas present. That You would expel the affections I have for food and the world by planting in me a greater affection for You. That You would impel me to seek You. That You would give me compulsions that are God-ly. That You would drive me, propel me, to Your heart.

I give You my bad habits, my compulsions for food, my impulsive behaviors. I ask that You give me a new affection: a passion for You.

Amen and Amen!

A New Christmas Sweater

When you make the decision to have Bariatric surgery, you don't realize all the implications. I knew I'd have to deal with not having candy in my stocking. I knew I wouldn't be able to pig out on food while watching Christmas movies or eat a whole large popcorn at the theater. I didn't know I'd have to deal with dressing up for the holidays. Sigh!

There's something special about decorating yourself for the holidays. Whether its the lapel pin or a fleece jacket with snowmen, it's just fun to wear special clothes. I have some if these clothes, but all of them are 2-3 sizes too big. Should I wear them one last time and look a bit baggy, not wear any special clothes this year, or buy a new Christmas sweater?

I fully recognize that this is a want and not a need. The practical side of me knows that anything I would buy this year should be too big next year. Isn't that a waste?

Yet when I was Christmas shopping yesterday, I found myself looking for a sweater I liked (I didn't find one.) and it caused me to ponder these unexpected consequences of the decision to have Bariatric surgery. Like Sunday, I was at church and knelt during worship at one point. And I had no knee pain! I just had thought I was getting old and hadn't realized it was all that weight loaded on my knees causing the pain.

I read a Christmas devotion today that connected God's command to decorate the tabernacle with the decorations we put up for Christmas. Aren't I a temple of God? OK, I'm not using that as an argument to spend money. I'm just pointing out that decorating ourselves with jewelry, pins and clothing that is special may have other meanings.

So, should I buy a new sweater? Maybe go to a used clothing store to see if there's a gently used one for sale? Wear the items in
my closet one more time?

Decisions. Decisions!

Two Months Banded

I just had my second fill, and a bit of chastisement as well. Seems I've been creeping up on my food portions and pushing the boundaries. I lost another 5 pounds in the last 5 weeks which is OK but on the slow side of weight loss.

So, a big reminder to eat smaller portions, eat slow, chew well, and don't go for the 'can't eat another bite' feeling.

I realized this weekend that I feel better. I think the post-surgery healing is complete.

What I need most to do is exercise!

Don't get me wrong- I've been watching what I eat and measuring and eating slowly. But I could eat slower. And just because veggies are good, don't eat more than my portion. and don't feel I have to have a starch at every meal.

I did have a weeks vacation, a week end in the city and Thanksgiving to mess things up. And coming soonis Christmas and New Years.

I want to do this well and I want to succeed! Lord, help me. I cannot do this on my own!

Week 7 Banded

I lost another 3 pounds between my fill and my primary doctor's visit last week. Yeah!
I did buy a few clothes (on sale) so that I don't look like I'm wearing bags.
I'm feeling much better, trying new foods, having more energy than in the past few weeks.
I've tried regular pork chops, quinoa, salad, peppers raw and cooked, little village tacos, and this morning- melon. That is not settling so well though. Either I ate too much or melon isn't good for me right now.
I feel like I'm moving better. I realized I haven't had any arthritis pain in my hip for a while now. I'm still a but confused on how much weight I've lost- where do I start? I'm tempted to go back to Feb. when I decided I needed to deal with my weight. Many start with the Pre-surgical diet. Maybe I need two numbers?

So: 40 pounds lost since Feb.
20 pounds lost since I prepared for surgery. 14 pounds lost since surgery.
60 pounds left to go. Whew! Round numbers are best.

People are starting to notice. I haven't been this small for 25 years!

I've eaten out. Mostly positive. Understanding restaurants are appreciated! I tried the 'give me the doggy bag now' request. Nope. They wanted to package leftovers after. I'll need to be more assertive.

Mostly I feel this is doable. Sometimes I look at what is left to lose, but mostly I look at what I've lost. I feel like I'm still on a honeymoon, coasting on the effects if surgery. But I'll enjoy this time!

Surprising Behavior

I just realized that in the past week, since my fill, I have reached for that afternoon snack or night time snack, only to pause and think, but I'm not hungry. And I don't have the snack! Three meals a day with no snacks and only liquids in between seemed so undoable a few months ago. But here I am.

So I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw this new behavior. I am "full" between meals!

New Foods

Today I had romaine lettuce leaves as a wrap for turkey with alfalfa sprouts. I had polenta for dinner. Yesterday I had blackberries. Add to that the fresh apple, oatmeal and sweet potato on Friday.

I ate out Saturday and had rotisserie chicken. Today I had oatmeal at Starbucks.

Week 5 - Banded

Well, this week is almost over and I forgot to get the blog updated.  It has been a busy week!

I got my first fill!  Another 2cc into the band, causing a bit more restriction.  A day of liquids, a day of pureed, and now I'm on a "normal" diet.  Normal in that the food doesn't have to be pureed.  Normal in that I see items on my small plate that look like I used to eat, but in smaller portions.  Normal in that I don't have to get the food processor out!  Yeah!

Friday was my first "normal" diet day - and I had an apple!  I can't tell you how good it tasted.  I had oatmeal.  I had a sweet potato for dinner.  It had been a while for any of those items.

I have to eat slow, chew well, cut into small pieces, and wait between bites, feeling for any sensations that would say "I'm full" or "this is not feeling great" or "something is stuck" or "I need the bathroom fast" -- but none of these has happened for me [yet].

I'm adding in fruits, fresh veggies and starches very slowly.  Bread, rice, beef and asparagus will wait for several weeks before I try them.  I hope to try broccoli, beans, blackberries, this week.  I'm hoping the oatmeal or whole grain cereal will take care of the constipation problem.  Fiber is needed right now, I believe.

Thing is, I start with my protein, then the veggie, and then if there is room, the starch.  The food gets cold by the time I get to it.  Snacks are to be avoided, so the thought of a snack bar or apple snack in the afternoon is not supposed to be on my diet.

I'm losing weight.  Four more pounds since I saw the surgeon three weeks ago.  And I have a new scale which seems to be more accurate than the one I replaced.  By its record, I have lost another 4+ pounds.  I see my primary doctor this week for a follow up and a check on A1C and different vitamin levels.  I like reducing my meds!  It my best measure that I have improved my health.

Of course, knowing I can wear clothing in a smaller size helps, too!  I wore a sweatshirt that I haven't worn for over 15 years and it felt good.  I needed to dress up a bit for a Photo Exhibit, and found an outfit I had forgotten [because I couldn't wear it anymore] and it was a bit big on me.  I am shrinking!

I am recovered enough that I need to begin a better exercise program.  The water aerobics is my first choice - I do more when the weight is off my joints.  Today, I walked over 4 miles in Chicago - without pain, without fatigue - and I like it!

I went to a retreat at church last weekend.  Wow!  God's love was poured out on us.  The worship was so precious.  The teaching seemed to be what I needed to hear.  Great fellowship, encouragement and support from my Christian sisters!  And I resisted all the goodies they brought to munch on.  It helps to know that I could hurt myself or end up in the ER if I ate them, but I really didn't dwell on the treats.  It is like a grace to be not driven by food obsessions!

Now I have to learn to eat within the diet plan, exercise self-control until the band is fully functioning, enjoy a slimmer, healthier life and get more active!  [Note:  it may take several visits, once each month, to have adjustments before the optimum restriction is reached.  Too much, too fast and I can't eat at all.  Too little, too slowly and I don't loose weight.  the band is a tool, but it has to be adjusted to reach its full use.]

I made it through the 4-6 weeks of pureed foods.  THAT is an accomplishment!  I made it through the recovery from surgery.  I've lost weight and continue to do so.  I'd say I'm on my way to a size 12!